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Bobby Tries Cialis
It was a sad day for the extended Buten family; Jarrod Buten had
just been sent off to fight in Iraq. He was the third Buten who had
been sent over. First there was Kelly; she had been relaxing one
summer day, watching television when she saw an interview with a
soldier. The soldier was a stud muffin and this excited Kelly. Maybe
if she joined the Army and headed over to Iraq, she could meet
her a stud muffin. She enlisted the next day and was gone before the
end of the month. Next there was Troy; too young to actually
serve in the military, he was hiding out one day in a
big crate by the pier that was earmarked for the war. When the
crane lifted the crate onto the boat Troy hadn't had time to get out
yet. Finally there was Jarrod; who never had any intention of joining
his brother in Iraq. He had actually just been partying a little too
hard one night; when some recruiters tricking him into enlisting by
telling him he was signing up for a free keg. Later when Jarrod
realized what had happened he tried to get out of it; but it was too
late. There was a big send-off party for Jarrod; everyone was there:
Lily, Andrew, Be, Freak, Data, JR, Gwedo, and Pill Bug. There
had been a mariachi band and a plethora of piņatas. Everyone got
really wasted; especially Data who made a jerk out of himself
by puking everywhere. After the party, Jarrod shaved his head, packed
his bags, and headed off to the middle east. The mood around the
Buten households was very somber. When Kelly and Troy had
gone off to war it had been one thing; but now Jarrod; something
needed to be done. The remaining Butens gathered around and came up
with a plan; they'd bring in the ultimate fighting force that would
be able to go over to Iraq, kick some butt,
and bring Jarrod home (and Kelly and Troy if there was time). This
ultimate fighting force was, of course, the Cottrells. Butens by
blood, but not by name, the Cottrells were a group of
lethal assassins. Michelle, the eldest, was the brains of the operation;
Mikey, the only male, was the muscle; Megan, the youngest, was in
charge of making sure they always had a nice supply of
envelopes back at headquarters incase of an emergency mailing.
After being contacted by the Butens,
Michelle and Mikey headed over to Iraq; leaving Megan at home
to watch the envelope supply. Once in Iraq, Michelle and Mikey
faced many great perils; so great that they plan to make a major
motion picture out of it. I believe they have Sandra Bullock lined up
to play Michelle and Cuba Gooding Jr to play Mikey. Anyhow
to avoid spoiling the movie (tentively title "Goonie Get Your Gun") we'll
move along to the part where they find Jarrod. When
the Cottrells finally reached Jarrod, somewhere near Baghdad, they
found him unconscious. After inquiring around, they found that
Jarrod had gotten alcohol poisoning and was on his
last leg. There was little hope in saving Jarrod; luckily however Troy
had been seen hiding out in some crates near the hospitality tent.
Figuring Troy and Jarrod look enough alike, the Cottrells grabbed
Troy and returned home. Kelly had also been spotted but had yet
to secure a stud muffin and refused to return home. When the Cottrells
returned home with Troy a huge parade was thrown. People came
from miles around to see a true American hero in Troy. The
Butens were ecstatic to have Troy home; at the same time
they were devastated over the news of Jarrod's
alcohol poisoning. A service was held in Jarrod's
memory at the Solid Rock Church by the 42 foot tall
Jesus statue; all Butens were in attendance except Kelly was who still
in Iraq. Troy gave a touching eulogy that had everyone in tears;
especially Jarrod who showed up near the end of the service
to proclaim he had both recovered and returned. With Jarrod
safely back in the U.S. all was good in the world once again.
Buten Dolls
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One evening Bobby was surfing unsuccessfully for porn on the Internet when
he heard a familiar sound informing him of a new incoming e-mail message. Bobby
loved reading e-mail so he quickly clicked over to his inbox; waiting for
him was a message from someone he wasn't familiar with offering
a free trial of Cialis. Bobby didn't really know what Cialis was, but
since it was free, he figured he might as well give it a try; so he ordered
the Cialis. A few days later it arrived;
not reading any labels, Bobby opened the Cialis to discover it to be nothing
more than pills. Disappointed, Bobby threw the pills into his medicine cabinet
and forgot about
them for a few hours. Later that night Bobby started to get a headache,
went to his medicine cabinet, and retrieved the Cialis pills. He took
two and got ready for bed. The next morning Bobby awoke and his headache
was worse. He went back to the medicine cabinet and took two more
Cialis pills. After about thirty minutes had passed Bobby noticed his headache
was still there but for some reason he was still sporting the erection he
awoke with.
This would pose a problem because Bobby needed to go to work and erections
were strictly forbidden at work; this a policy set forth in the company
handbook.
Bobby decided to solve this hard problem he would do some jumping
jacks. After some rather silly looking jacks, Bobby stopped; he realized this
problem wasn't going to go away with exercise. Bobby then put in his
DVD of Golden Girls the Movie; if Bea Arthur wasn't an erection killer
nothing was. However unlike any previous viewing Bobby had experienced, for
the first time he wondered what the golden girls looked like naked. The problem
had become critical; Bobby couldn't figure out what was causing his unnatural
erection. At first Bobby assumed maybe it had something to do with the porn
he had been enjoying the night before when he remembered he had been
unsuccessful in finding porn (don't ask how). Maybe it had something to do
with Burt Reynolds? No, that didn't make any sense. Dom Deluise? No, equally
irrelevant. That's when it hit Bobby; it must be the Cialis. Bobby raced
to his medicine cabinet and pulled out the nearly empty Cialis package.
Apparently
Cialis was not for headaches but erectile dysfuction. Bobby figured it was
unnatural to have a constant erection so maybe what he was experiencing now
was erectile dysfunction. Believing Cialis to be the cure, Bobby quickly took
the rest of the box and headed off to work. When he arrived there everyone
treated him differently for a while asking if he had gotten a new haircut
or had been working out. Eventually though the boss noticed Bobby was
still sporting his erection and promptly fired him. Ashamed, Bobby headed
to the drug store to buy more Cialis. He needed to solve his
erectile dysfuction and apparently he still hadn't taken enough of the drug.
Sadly on the way to the drug store Bobby was involved in a head on collision
with another car and was impaled on his own erection. The End.
Due to the fact the people at Cabbage Patch haven't sold a doll
since the late eighties, they are proud to introduce a new line of Cabbage
Patch Kids, the Cabbage Patch Butens. Who wouldn't want to own their
Buten? The dolls come in five models: Pretty Pa, Inquisitive Marmie, Midget
Be, Chunk O'Lily, and the favorite Slavage Bobby.
Buten Pets will also be available in stores around the same time.
These lovable plush toys are great companions to the Cabbage Patch
Butens. Think how much fun a child could have playing house with
Slavage Bobby and his dog
Three Legged or Chunk O'Lily and her cat Always N'Heat.
Each doll also has a special feature unique to itself. Pull the string on
Inquisitive Marmie and have her ask you a continuous line of
questions. Set Midget Be in a dirty room and come back later to see the
room in just as big a mess as before you left. Some of the dolls even have
the ability to interact when you own two or more with built in sensors
that can tell if other dolls are present. Just lay Midget Be and
Chunk O'Lily together and listen to their built in voice boxes
spout such catch phrases as "It's not my fault you have poop coming out
of your face" or "Shut your chunk!" You can't go wrong with a Cabbage
Path Buten. Get yours today!