Episode II

  After the first rose ceremony, the remaining nine women returned to their rooms. They had the rest of the day to do as they pleased. However the next day the group dates would begin. The women would be split into three groups of three and go on a date with Joe Bug. After the three group dates, Joe Bug would send three more women home.

  "Wow, that rose ceremony was a little unsettling," said Kelly.

  "Why is that?" asked Meghan, "because you weren't sent home?"

  "No, just the standing there and wondering if your name was going to be called." responded Kelly.

  "Yeah, I get you," said Sarah, "I feel for those girls who didn't get picked. If a loser like Joe Bug doesn't want you then what chance do you have?"

  "Well I am going to enjoy my free time today," said Heidi. "The thought of having to spend more time with that slug tomorrow is revolting."

  "You do realize that if you win you have to marry him, don't you Heidi?" said Kelly.

  "I know." said Heidi, "but I figure if I'm a millionaire I can just hire whores for him to sleep with."

  The bachelorettes spent most of their free day applying make-up, doing their nails, and trying on panties. Joe Bug, on the other hand, hung out in the guesthouse with Bobby the host.

  "So do you think I made the right choices?" asked Joe Bug.

  "I'm sure you did," said Bobby.

  "Do you think any of the girls will come over here and spend some time with me today?" asked Joe Bug.

  "Now Joe Bug, you know the rules state that a bachelorette is only allowed to enter the guesthouse if they plan on sleeping with you." said Bobby.

  "Yeah I know." said Joe Bug. "That's sorta why I hope one or two come over. I could really use some sweet loving. Plus they should realize that if they sleep with me it will increase their chances of moving on."

  "Just don't get your hopes up." said Bobby.

  None of the bachelorettes did come over to spend the night with Joe Bug so he went to bed alone and excited about the group dates that were soon to follow. The next day the girls were split into three groups. The first group would be Ashley, Sarah, and Trista. The second group would be Bea, Britney, and Meghan. The final group would be Kelly, Heidi, and Elisabeth.

  The first group date was to take place on the big island of Hawaii at Volcano National Park. The three girls, Ashley, Sarah, and Trista, met up with Joe Bug and they headed to the airport to catch a short flight. "You girls excited about seeing the tornados?" asked Joe Bug.

  "I thought we were going to see volcanoes," said Sarah.

  "Oh yeah, volcanoes," said Joe Bug, "really what's the difference? I saw this movie once about a volcano in LA. That was pretty freaky with all the ash in everyone's hair. Good thing I don't have any hair."

  "I guess that is one way you could look at it," said Trista.

  "Volcanoes are hot right?" said Joe Bug, "you chicks think if it gets too hot that we might need to take our clothes off?"

  "We might sweetie," said Ashley, "we'll just have to wait and see."

  The idea of being on a date with three women at the same time had already excited Joe Bug beyond all belief. The sudden thought of all three of those women being naked caused Joe Bug to pass out. The trip to the big island took a little over an hour. Once they arrived, Joe Bug was awoken and they traveled by limo to the park. Inside the park they viewed a short program about volcano safety. Afterwards they were taken down to the active volcano where they walked along black lava rocks to the active volcano.

  "I thought they said this was an active volcano," said Joe Bug. "Shouldn't there be like explosions and stuff? I don't even see any ash."

  "I don't know what to tell you," said Trista. "I guess this is a dormant volcano. Why don't you go over and stick your hand in that red stuff over there."

  "Don't do that," said Ashley, "unless you want to burn your hand off."

  "Dammit Ashley," said Trista, "you are no fun at all."

  The group continued walking along, stopping every two minutes so Joe Bug could stop and rest. Afterwards they loaded back up to head home. Joe Bug was beginning to get impatient. His date was almost over and none of the women had even touched him. He decided to make a move once they were in the plane headed back to Maui. "Hey Ashley," he began, "meet me in the bathroom in ten minutes." Joe Bug had always wanted to join the mile-high club and was seizing this opportunity.

  Ashley knew that if she didn't go back she'd surely be eliminated so she headed back toward the bathroom. The other two girls sighed in relief knowing that Ashley was about to take one for the team. When Ashley got there she opened the door and almost fainted from the smell. "Oh my God, what happened in here?"

  "Well," began Joe Bug, "I told you to wait a few minutes because I had to take a crap first. Now come in here and let me introduce you to someone."

  Almost fainting, Ashley attempted to enter the tiny airplane bathroom. However Joe Bug himself barely fit and there was no way Ashley would be able to squeeze herself in. "I'm sorry Joe," said Ashley, "but there is no way I can fit in there with you."

  "Damn tiny bathrooms," barked Joe Bug, "why can't they make them for normal size people?"

  With that Ashley returned to her seat. The plane soon landed and the date was over. The girls were relieved and Joe Bug was disgusted. Luckily though it was now time for his second date.

  The first date having taken most of the day made the second date an evening affair. Joe Bug and the next three bachelorettes, Bea, Britney, and Meghan, would be attending the Old Lahaina Luau. The ladies met Joe Bug outside and the four took a limo to Lahaina. Once at the luau they found their seats on the ground and the waiter came by asking if anyone wanted a drink. Joe Bug asked for a beer and was disgusted when the waiter said beer wasn't an option. The women all got mai tais.

  "Can you believe they don't have beer here?" said Joe Bug. "What kind of a cracker jack joint is this?"

  "Why don't you just get a mixed drink if you want alcohol?" asked Bea.

  "A what?" said Joe Bug, "I want a beer so I can get loaded."

  "You can get loaded a lot faster on these." said Britney holding up her mai tai. "Believe me I know."

  "Really?" said Joe Bug, "maybe I should get me some of those."

  It was then announced that the pig was getting ready to be pulled from the ground. The girls ran over to watch while Joe Bug hit the bar. The girls were immediately reminded of Joe Bug as the pig was pulled from the sand. "It's like our date is also our dinner." Meghan said.

  After the pig festivities the three bachelorettes returned to the table to find Joe Bug surrounded by several empty glasses. "Did you drink all those?" asked Bea.

  "Yeah, while you ladies were off watching that crap I've been loading up. I'm feeling a bit dizzy," said Joe Bug.

  Dinner was announced and everyone got his or her food. The show began shortly after. As it started Joe Bug was finishing off his tenth mai tai and was starting to slur his words. When the first dancer appeared he yelled out "show us your tits!" The dancing girl ignored the rude comment and continued to dance. That is until Joe Bug stumbled on stage and began to dance with her. It took the security guards all of ten seconds to pull Joe Bug from the stage and throw him out. After a brief discussion the bachelorettes decided to stay and enjoy the evening without Joe Bug.

  Joe Bug was taken home where he immediately passed out on his bed. He awoke very early the next morning with a horrible headache. The third and final date was to take place that morning. Joe Bug and the final three bachelorettes, Kelly, Heidi, and Elisabeth, were to take a pre-dawn bike ride down the mountain Haleakala. Joe Bug decided he was too hung over and sent the girls alone. Afterwards the girls decided their Joe Bugless date was by far the best of the three group dates.

  That evening Joe Bug was to send three more bachelorettes home. He spent some time discussing it with Bobby. "So who should I send home?"

  "That's really your decision," said Bobby.

  "Yeah, I know, but give me a hand," said Joe Bug, "three of the girls I didn't really get to know because I was too sick to go on our date. I don't think it would be fair to send any of them packing."

  "Okay then," began Bobby, "then who of the remaining six didn't you click with."

  "Well, Ashley was willing to have sex with me in the airplane bathroom." said Joe Bug, "so she is certainly not going home. I think I know who will have to go."

  "So you are ready?" said Bobby. "Let me get the bachelorettes ready."

  After gathering the bachelorettes, the second rose ceremony began. "Okay," said Joe Bug, "the first rose goes to Ashley. The second rose goes to Sarah. The third rose goes to Meghan. The fourth rose goes to Elisabeth. The fifth rose goes to Heidi. Finally, the sixth rose goes to Kelly.

  "Okay," began Bobby, "that means Britney, Bea, and Trista are all going home."

  "You're fired!" said Joe Bug.