Episode V

  With the surprising dismissal of Ashley, it was anyone's guess as to where Joe Bug's mind was. If he was leaning toward either Meghan or Sarah no one could tell. The final days would lay out as follows. Joe Bug would go on romantic type dates with both of the women individually. Then he would make his final decision and meet with both women to discuss it.

  "Wow, final two, huh?" said Meghan.

  "Yeah," said Sarah, "one of us is going to be Mrs. Bug Millionaire."

  "I still am not sure I want to win," said Meghan. "I mean I could really use the money. My brother Josh has really put our whole family into deep debt. However being married to Joe Bug would be a nightmare."

  "I know how you feel." said Sarah. "The money is worth it though. I mean you are probably going to get stuck marrying a loser no matter what you do. You might as well get a million dollars with this one."

  The first of the two romantic dates would be with Sarah. They would spend the entire day on a yacht. There would be a meal served but what they did with the rest of the time was up to them.

  Joe Bug and Sarah where swept off by helicopter to the yacht already at sea. They were dropped off and told to enjoy themselves. "Wow, thus yacht is amazing," said Sarah.

  "Yeah, it's not too bad," said Joe Bug, "though I prefer houseboats with hot tubs and slides on the roof."

  "I've never been on a houseboat," said Sarah.

  "Oh man they are a blast," said Joe Bug, "maybe I'll take you on one someday if we end up getting hitched."

  "Now there is something a girl can't say no to," said Sarah. "So Joe Bug, do you know who you're going to pick yet?"

  "Honestly no," said Joe Bug, "though if you were to get naked right now that'd probably help sway my vote."

  "Well I'm not getting naked right now," said Sarah, "you're going to have to pick me if you want to see me naked."

  "Hmm, interesting proposition." said Joe Bug, "can we at least make-out some?"

  "Maybe after we eat." said Sarah.

  The two spend the morning on the yacht fishing and just enjoying the ocean air. Then it was time for lunch. They were served mahi mahi prepared by the yacht's chef (this was a pretty nice yacht). After lunch, on schedule, Joe Bug fell asleep. Sarah enjoyed this time the most on the yacht. Unfortunately for her Joe Bug did awake before the date ended.

  "Uh, I think I must have dozed off," said Joe Bug.

  "Yeah you were out pretty quick after lunch." said Sarah.

  "Sometimes food does that to me." said Joe Bug. "I'm like a bear ready for hibernation after a big meal. Anyway, so you wanna make out?"

  "I'm going to give you some advice," began Sarah, "when you want to make out with a woman, you don't just ask her if she wants to make out. You need to be more subtle."

  "Honey, I am not a subtle man," said Joe Bug. "So why don't you come over here and sit on my lap. I want to show you something honey."

  Sarah knew what she had to do so she allowed herself to be both kissed and groped by Joe Bug for a few minutes. He didn't seem to realize he was the one doing all the making out while Sarah just sat still.

  It was finally time for the date to end and they headed back to the mansion. As Joe Bug said goodbye, Sarah allowed him to kiss her one more time. "So, you want to come hang in the guesthouse with me?"

  "You know the rules," said Sarah, "if I come to your guesthouse I have to sleep with you."

  "Yeah I guess we could do that if you want," said Joe Bug.

  "Goodnight." said Sarah and she walked back to the mansion. Joe Bug was a little disappointed but not too surprised. Sarah had shown no signs that she'd be willing to sleep with him before marriage. He both respected that and was a little confused. How could you buy a car without giving it a test drive?

  The next day Joe Bug had his second date, this time with Meghan. Their date would consist of a horseback ride and picnic. Joe Bug was initially skeptical about the idea of riding a horse. "Horseback riding?" said Joe Bug, "you have to be kidding me? I can't ride a horse. I'm shaped like Humpty Dumpy. You put me on a horse and I'll have a great fall. Can't we just have another hot tub date?"

  As usual there was no budge from the producers (who had gathered all the king's horses and men) and the date went on as planned. Meghan and Joe Bug met and were taken to the stables where they both were allowed to pick out a horse. Meghan selected an elegant black horse. Joe Bug picked the one that most resembled Mr. Ed in hope that it could talk.

  "I love horseback riding," said Meghan. "This might actually be fun."

  "I don't know about this," said Joe Bug. "I've never been on a horse before." Joe Bug then climbed onto his horse. Well he tried to climb onto it. The young hunk stable boy had to stand behind Joe Bug and push. Then Joe Bug and Meghan started off on the trail.

  "So Joe Bug," said Meghan, "can I be as bold as to ask where you are leaning on your final decision?"

  "Yes you may be as bold," said Joe Bug, "I can tell you I haven't made up my mind yet. Of course there are ways you could influence me."

  "Really," said Meghan, "remember that stable boy who helped you on your horse? Well you could watch the two of us have sex. It'd be like a live porno."

  "A live porno?" said Joe Bug, "that sounds awesome."

  "Well then I'll see if I can arrange it with the stable boy when we get back." said Meghan.

  "Actually," said Joe Bug, "now that I think about it, I don't think you should do that. As cool as a live porno sounds, I don't think I'd want my future wife banging some loser just for my benefit."

  "Oh really?" said Meghan, "well that sucks, oh well, maybe I can come up with something else. What if the stable boy and I have sex and just don't tell you about it."

  "That'd be cool I guess." said Joe Bug, "I mean it isn't like I'm even going to know about it. I think there is something wrong with my horse. It grunts with each step."

  The two reached a nice clearing where they opened the picnic basket that was provided for them. After the meal, Joe Bug took a nice nap. While he slept Meghan galloped back to the stables to do only God knows what. She returned just as Joe Bug was waking up.

  "Have a good sleep honey?" asked Meghan.

  "Yeah, it was nice," said Joe Bug. "Where have you been?"

  "Oh I was just taking a nap as well," said Meghan.

  "How'd you get that straw in your hair?" asked Joe Bug. "There isn't any straw here."

  "Oh that," said Meghan, "I don't know where that came home. Maybe there was some stuck to my horse."

  "That's probably it." said Joe Bug, "well let's head back."

  They returned to the stable and dismounted from their horses. As soon as Joe Bug got off his horse it collapsed. The stable boy said not to worry about it and gave a smile and a wink to Meghan. The date was now over and they headed back to the mansion. Joe Bug propositioned Meghan to return to the guesthouse but much like Sarah she declined.

  Joe Bug went to bed alone again for the last time. Tomorrow he would be choosing a wife and his wild and crazy single life would come to an end. As he went to sleep he thought over the choice. "Tomorrow I have to choose a bride," said Joe Bug, "I like both girls so much. I don't know which one I should choose. This is going to be the toughest decision I've ever made."

  The next day Bobby had both women go to a separate room in the mansion. He told them Joe Bug would be joining them shortly to discuss his final decision. Then Bobby went to find Joe Bug. "Are you ready to inform the women of your decision?" asked Bobby.

  "No," said Joe Bug. "I haven't made a decision yet."

  "You haven't what?" said Bobby, "you had all night, what did you do?"

  "Well I was starting to make up my mind when I started picturing the time Ashley and I hit it in the hot tub." said Joe Bug. "Then I decided I want to choose Ashley."

  "You can't choose Ashley," said Bobby, "you sent her home already. You have to choose either Sarah or Meghan."

  "They are both nice girls," said Joe Bug, "but the spark just isn't there like it was with Ashley."

  "Looks like we have a dilemma." said Bobby.

  "There has to be some loophole or something that will let me choose Ashley," said Joe Bug.

  "Let me see what I can do." said Bobby.

  Bobby headed off and returned several hours later. He gathered Joe Bug, Sarah, and Meghan together in the foyer of the mansion for a major announcement. "I've gathered you all here for a major announcement." said Bobby. "Joe Bug has informed me of his decision. He has chosen Ashley." With that announcement Ashley emerged from the side room.

  "Wait a minute!" yelled Sarah, "He can't chose Ashley! Ashley was already eliminated."

  "True, true," said Bobby, "but we've decided to change the game a little. After all we want Joe Bug to be happy. Plus Ashley has agreed to return."

  "This is bullshit," said Meghan. "Why should she get the million dollars?"

  "What million dollars?" asked Joe Bug.

  "Well Joe Bug," said Bobby, "not only did the winning lady get to marry you, but she also got to split a million dollars with you. That was the big surprise ending."

  "Wow, what an awesome surprise." said Joe Bug.

  "However," said Bobby, "here is where it gets tricky. Now that I've gathered you all here it's time to add a new twist. Joe Bug since you've already eliminated Ashley, if you select her, you won't be getting the million dollars. Since neither Sarah nor Meghan have been eliminated, if you pick one them, then you do get the million dollars. It's the age old question of love or money."

  "Oh that makes the decision much tougher." said Joe Bug, "though I think love is more important than money. What Ashley and I have is real and worth more than a million dollars."

  "What!" said Ashley, "you brought be back here even though I have no shot at the million dollars? Joe Bug, I'm going to make this choice a little easier for you. I think you are a disgusting, fat blob. I only slept with you for the million dollars. You are worthless and pathetic. You need to find whatever hole you crawled out of and crawl back in. May you rot in Hell."

  "Ouch," said Joe Bug, "such harsh words. Well I don't think I'll pick you then. Ashley, you're fired. I pick Meghan."

  "Okay, it looks like Meghan is the winner. She will soon be Mrs. Meghan Bug." said Bobby. "Well it looks like that's a rap. Good luck Meghan and Joe Bug on your engagement."

  "Is it too late to quit?" asked Meghan.

  "Sure is," said Joe Bug, "let's go consummate our relationship!";