I wonder what Rose is doing now. Probably melting some cattle. That is always fun. The farmer always comes out all mad with a pitch fork in his hand. You kind of look at him funny and then burn his house down. A lot of my friends then kill the farmer, but I think it is a lot more evil to let him live and just destroy all his stuff.

Dear Diary,

  Guten Tag! Went to work today. Had a pretty strange day. This morning I went up to Munich and fried some Germans. I did my usual routine, I made the ground shake and tremble and the I rose from beneath the Earth. Now, normally once I get above ground everyone is running and screaming, but this morning I came up in a park and there was no one around but this little girl. She looked and me and said, "Wie geht es Ihnen?" What is weird is, instead of cooking her, I just returned a "so lala" and wondered away. Luckily though I wondered right into a gang of punks and I burned them pretty bad.

  I cannot get it out of my head, though why I let the little girl go. I sure as hell hope I am not getting soft. That is the last thing a big, giant anything needs. It is prolly because of Rose. I cannot get here out of my head. All I do is think about her. It is getting pretty sad. I would give her a little of that Elfin' charm but she is seeing someone. It makes it so difficult.

  Anyway, after I cooked the punks, I headed over to one of those beer gardens. As usual I had a little too much to drink and started shooting fire everywhere making a big mess. The owner asked me to leave so I covered him in third degree burns.

  Tonight, Stringy and I are going out. I don't know where yet. He was thinking maybe a big, giant singles bar but I don't know. I'd rather just return to the surface and cause a plague or something. I guess we will see what goes down.

Dear Diary,

  Well I said I wasn't going to go, but guess where I found myself at last night? Yep, the big, giant singles bar. After nearly and hour of begging and pleading, Stringy dragged me to that horrible place. We got there around ten and the place was really hopping. Stringy and I got a table about two rows away from the dance floor and one row away from the bar. We weren't sitting there 2 minutes when Stringy started up.

  "See that big, giant dandelion over there? She's been checking you out ever since we walked in here." said Stringy.

  Now you have to know Stringy, he thinks every dame in the bar is either looking at him or someone he is with. So I didn't take much notice to his comments. However every so often I would look over at the Dandelion and she did seem to be looking our way. So finally I picked up my beer and walked over to her table. I asked her if the seat by her was taken and when she said no I sat down.

  Now I don't wanna brag but I am quite the smooth talker so our conversation did go pretty well. Now I have a date with her this Friday. After we left the bar I was telling Stringy about my date and he was all excited for me. He thinks this is just what I need to get my mind off Rose. I mean there are other big, giant things out there, not just Rose.

  I am pretty excited about my date now on Friday. It was all I could think about today when I was melting people. Maybe this Dandelion and I were meant for each other. Wait, I am getting ahead of myself, we haven't even gone out yet. down.

Dear Diary,

  It is over! I am cured! I am back to my old self again. Today I was just melting and burning people left and right. All I needed was something to get my mind of Rose. I got that when the Big, Giant Dandelion from Hell agreed to go on date with me this Friday.

  Yep, in two days I will be out on the town with a dandelion. A very hot dandelion if I do say so myself. Who needs the rose? I'm excited.

  I gotta go see that therapist again tomorrow. I cannot wait to tell her I am all better.

Dear Diary,

  Well I went to my therapist today. She wants me to keep writing in this diary for a little while longer. She isn't convinced that I was totally cured in one week. She doesn't understand me though. I am the Big, Giant Tree from Hell and my emotions are like a rollercoaster. I need to be able to be evil and have no mercy one minute and then turn around and be loving and charming the next. Yeah sure, life was easier before I knew what love was but it wasn't any better.

  Man I am glad this diary is a personal thing and no one can read it but me. I don't know what would happen to my reputation if it fell into the wrong hands. I mean most people know me as the evil tree. What if they found out I am a person too. I have needs. Goodness, I am starting to sound like a woman.

  So tomorrow is it, the big date with the Big, Giant Dandelion from Hell. I think I am going to just take her to dinner and a movie. There is a new Juicy Raoul flick I have been meaning to see. I was thinking of maybe taking her to an amusement park but those places are expensive and I wanna make sure I like this flower before I go spending all my money on her. Makes sense don't it?

  You thought I was going to go a whole entry without mentioning Rose, didn't you? Well I just brought her up to say that I have barely thought about her these past few days. There is no future with Rose but there could be with the dandelion. I have come to accept that and I can now safely say, I am over Rose.

Dear Diary,

  It has been a long time. I am starting to fall a little behind in this diary writing. I assume you can forgive me though since it was the holiday weekend and I was very busy. It may have been Labor Day for the human race, but for us big, giant things from Hell, yesterday is one of the busiest days of the year. The joy you get when you come across a family having a nice picnic and then start melting them one by one is hard to match. Not to brag or anything but I probably ruined Labor Day for at least 200 people this year.

  Part of the reason I had such a good Labor Day though was probably because I was feeling mighty fine. Remember Friday I took Dande out on our first date. Let me tell you it was something special. First we went to dinner where she told me all about the killing and torturing she had been doing all day. Nothing turns me on like that. Then we went to a movie and I did the old yawn and stretch trick and put my arm around her. It worked wonders. After the movie, she gave me a little kiss on the bark and said we would have to do it again soon.

  I have been floating on cloud nine ever since. This dandelion really seems to like me and I am starting to really like her as well. I think I am going to call her tonight and set up something for next weekend sometime. I am thinking maybe we can cause some havoc together. That would be really fun.

Dear Diary,

  Well I called up Dande last night. We talked for a good hour or so. She is so easy to talk to. I could have talked to her longer but she had to wash her petals. We talked about all sorts of things. She talked a little about some of her siblings and I told her some stories about me melting things. It was great. We set up another date for this Saturday. I am getting excited already.

  A little blast from the past today as well. I bumped into the Big, Giant Peanut from Hell today. Remember he is Rose's boyfriend. Well he was complaining about how his lady was yelling at him for flirting with anyone and everyone. Stupid peanut, he has a great girl like Rose and he is off being a jerk somewhere. Oh well, I have my Dande so they can both go to heaven.

  Other than that I have just been up to the usual. You know, killing, melting, and burning. Oh well ....

Dear Diary,

  I went to my therapist today. She says I don't have to write in this diary anymore if I continue on this path to recovery I am on. In other words, I cannot start liking Rose again or anything like that. That shouldn't be a problem though since I have my Dande.

  Speaking of Rose. I heard from Stringy that the big, giant Peanut from Hell and her broke up. Oh well, it's a day late and a dollar short. I am Dande's tree now.

Well I got people to burn. See you later.

Dear Diary,

  Well, it looks like this diary thing might not be ending this week after all. Let me tell you about this weekend. Dande called me up Friday night and said she had a favor to ask of me. She said she felt uncomfortable asking such a favor since we had only had one date but she didn't know what else to do. It seems she had a friend who had just recently gone through a bad break-up and she wanted to know if she could bring this friend along on our Saturday date, and if I could bring a friend too. I guess kind of like a hook up. Well, I like Dande and I want her to like me so I agreed.

  I called up Stringy and he said he would come along. I mean he is always looking for a date. Well we go to pick up Dande and her friend and guess who her friend is? Of course it has to be Rose, otherwise this story isn't nearly as interesting. So here I am going on a double date with Dande, my new girlfriend, and Rose, the girl I use to obsess over. Of course she is Stringy's date. Well, the second Stringy put two and two together he got this huge grin on his face that didn't go away the rest of the night.

  Since the date was changed from just Dande and I to the four of us, we just decided to have a nice dinner somewhere. We all sat around for a while and talked, and wouldn't you know it, Rose is super charming. Eventually the date ended and we dropped off the girls and headed home.

  The first thing Stringy did as soon as they left the car was to make sure I wasn't interested in Rose anymore. I said no, though I didn't mean it, and Stringy said good cause he was crazy about her. I took Stringy home and returned home.

  Sunday is always the busiest day of the week. I mean torturing people as they come and go to church is always fun, but this Sunday I spend at home. I needed to work things out. I liked Dande and Dande liked me. That was simple enough. Unfortunately it didn't end there. I also liked Rose, who might like me or might like Stringy. Then again she might like neither of us and still like her ex. Then there is Stringy who also likes Rose. What a mess. I have no idea what I am going to do. I know one thing for sure though, I am not telling Dande how I feel about Rose.

Dear Diary,

  Just when you thought things couldn't get any more weird, yesterday happened. What happened you ask? Well as I mentioned to you before, I didn't leave my place on Sunday. I didn't want people to start talking so Monday I returned to the usual grind. I killed a bus load of school kids and burnt down a retirement home, but the joy was gone. I was back to where I was before I started this diary. All I could think about were Rose and Dande.

  I decided I still liked Rose. I liked Dande too but there was something special about Rose. I needed to break things off with Dande first though. Since the two were obviously good friends, I couldn't keep seeing Dande and pursue Rose at the same time. I didn't know what I was going to do about Stringy yet but I would save that for later.

  So I called up Dande and asked if we could get together last night. I didn't want to break things off over the phone. I don't know why, we had only been on two dates, well anyway she came over a little after dinner. We sat down and began talking. I wanted to tell her how I didn't think our relationship was going to work but I couldn't get up the nerve at first. Then one thing led to another and she spend the night.

  Yep, that's it, I am officially screwed. How do you invite someone over with the intention of breaking up with them and then end up sleeping with them? I have to be the worse big, giant anything from hell when it comes to relationships. So instead of ending my relationship with Dande I moved it to the next level.

  The worse thing about this is I don't have anyone I can tell. I usually tell Stringy all this stuff but this time I can't. I mean he likes Rose too. Shame he couldn't have liked Dande.

Dear Diary,

  Well I went back to my therapist today. I don't know if she is mad because all of a sudden I am twice as screwed up as I was or if she is happy because now she gets to keep taking my money. Her advice was for me to get in touch with my inner self and seek solutions. Now what the Hell does that mean? I think what she meant to say is, you are screwed.

  One thing she did say which was obvious was that I shouldn't sleep with Dande again if I still like Rose. Speaking of Dande she called me up last night and invited me over to her place. I said I would love to come over but I had a busy day today so I couldn't make it. So she asked about Friday night and I said sure. So I am going over to Dande's tomorrow. Hopefully then I can break things off with her. She isn't going to like it though, especially after what we did Monday night.

  Stringy has his first date with Rose this weekend. The thought of them two going out just boggles my mind. My best friend and my dream girl together. Even after I do break it off with Dande this weekend I don't know how I am going to get Stringy to back off Rose. Oh well, I'll think of something.

Dear Diary,

  Okay, so the big plan for the weekend was to break up with Dande, tell Stringy I still like Rose, and then hook up with Rose. That sounds like a reasonable plan, doesn't it? I shouldn't have had any problem following through on it, right? Well if you think that is the case, then let me tell you all about my weekend.

  Friday night I headed over to Dande's place. When I got there she had prepared this huge dinner. I didn't want to lead her on anymore though so I told her we needed to talk. I told her that I though our relationship wasn't really working. So of course she began to cry. I felt bad so I tried to comfort her. I held her in my arms and the next thing I know we are kissing. Then before I could stop myself, there we were on the floor doing the deed. After we finished that, we ate dinner, did the deed the again and I left Saturday morning. Hmm, looks like that part of the plan fell through.

  Saturday, I decided it was time to talk to Stringy about Rose. The same night I had been with Dande, he had gone on his first date with Rose. I asked him how it went and to my surprised he said it didn't go too well. He said the two didn't have too much in common. I then asked him if he thought it was over and he said no way. I was confused but then he straightened it out for me. He said even though he didn't think there was a future for him and Rose the fact remained that she was coming off a bad break-up. Therefore she was probably pretty vulnerable and Stringy was planning on taking advantage of that so he could get some company under the covers. Great.

  So now I was getting all stressed out. I couldn't get rid of Dande and Stringy was planning on bopping my Rose. Just when things looked like they couldn't get any worse, I got a phone call from Rose. She said she wanted to talk to me about something and asked if she could come over. Of course I said yes and she did. She wanted to talk to me about Stringy. Obviously she had felt the same way he did and she wanted to break of their relationship and she asked me how she ought to do it. We talked a little about that then she started talking about how she was jealous of Dande and I being so in love. We talked and talked and talked and honestly lost track of time. Finally it was getting late and Rose said she needed to go and it had been great talking to me. That is when it happened. As she got ready to leave there was this moment. A moment unlike any other I have ever had. At that moment the two of us were drawn together and we kissed. Rose then quickly ran off.

  So I kissed Rose on Saturday. You would think this would make me happy. Well it did for the rest of the night. Then the next morning I got a wake up call. I wanted to see Rose again so I gave her a call. She only talked to me for a minute. Long enough for her to say we could never ever see or talk to each other again. She didn't want to be the person who broke Dande and I up. She could never do that kind of thing to her best friend. She then hung up and I haven't been able to get a hold of her since. Haven't been able to tell her how I really feel. Nothing. This sucks ... big time!!

Dear Diary,

  I decided I needed to stay busy today. I thought if I just sat around all day and thought about what was going on in my life right now I might go crazy, so I needed to get back to work. So first thing I did this morning was head over to South Asia.

  Now, all of us big, giant things from Hell have turf. Places where we can go and cause horror and famine. My turf is along the Ohio River in the United States. It isn't the most prestigious turf, I know, but getting any US turf is a pretty big deal. Well most of us get tired of our turf after a while and we trade off for a day or two. I decided I needed a change in scenery, so me and the Big, Giant Herb from Hell switched for the day. Well Herbie's turf is southeast Pakistan. Not really a very good turf to have so he is always willing to trade.

  So I headed on over to Pakistan this morning. Everyone there is obsessed with these stupid little creatures called Pakimon. There are Pakimon shirts, key chains, posters, trading cards, and anything else you can get your hands on. Well it all makes me pretty sick so I decided to go on a rampage. I melted and burned any person I saw with anything Pakimon related on them. Of course, in Pakistan that is just about anyone.

  So all in all it wasn't a bad day. I kept my mind away from my women problems. Of course I am going to have to deal with those soon. It is only a matter of time before Dande calls me again. Crise, the way things are going with her I am going to be married soon. Well, until next time.